So my Mom calls me today at work and leaves a voicemail using the voice that I know means bad news which she starts by saying "I don't know if you would be interested in this but......." and she goes on to tell me that her husband fell off of a scaffling outside their church and that he's in the ICU. She goes on to leave the hospital and room information. Which I wasn't interested in.

Before I go any further I must say that I hate her husband with the fire of a thousand suns. I won't even claim that bastard as a Stepfather. I hate him for reasons that are well known to her, him, and anyone who knows me. That said, let me continue.

I call her back and and immediately ask her how she is and what the prognosis is. The whole time I'm thinking "If this nigga dies where does this leave ma" and "I wonder if the insurance is paid up". I know this makes me sound like a cold-hearted bitch, but facts are I don't give a fuck. He is Satan's minion and I look at it as Karma coming home to roost. She tells me that for all intents and purposes he should have died. He fell from very high. Fractured his skull but it's not serious. No internal bleeding. However, he has severe damage to his left leg which required emergency surgery. He will be out of commission for months while he has physical therapy and will likely walk with a limp for the rest of his life.

He's the breadwinner. His manipulating nature damaged my Mom's esteem to maintain the status quo. Now, Ma who hasn't held a paying job in a dog's age will have to be the breadwinner. She was sliding toward the job market anyway because she wanted to be out from under his wallet. She was working on gaining her independence so that she could finally walk away from him. Now she can no longer put it off.

As for him, I'm not going to go into all the reasons why I hate the man but I feel how I feel. I won't be visiting the hospital or sending get well wishes. It would make me a liar and I hate liars. I refuse to pretend that I have more than intense dislike for him.

Part of me wonders if my stance will incur some Karma of it's own. You know forgive and forget, live and let live and all that bullshit. But all the while when I listened to the voicemail and got the particulars from Ma, I didn't feel shit. Not sadness & not worry. At least not for him. I know that's a bad thing. But I don't give a shit.

I immediately started to stratigize with my mom on her work situation. She needs a job like yesterday. She is my main concern right now. She said today that maybe there was a reason why this happened. Maybe it was the catalyst she needed to get the lead out of her ass and make it happen for herself and my siblings (who are another issue all together).

Tonight before I close my eyes to sleep, I will pray.

I will pray for my Mom to be able to carry this new load and I will ask the lord to forgive my hardened heart.

Later.....................