I'm really pissed and unable to get a hold of myself. I feel like I've blown a gasket. None of this will do since I'm at work and I'm already considered:

1. Scary
2. Uncooperative
3. Mean

Which is a fucking load of shit. All of that is code for "You don't make us comfortable darky". Good forbid I have a bad day. I certainly can't get up and start cussin in the office like some of these "professionals". Nor can I make a complete nuisance of myself like some of these people.

I have to calm down. I have to shake it off. Can't let the mask slip. I need a vacation.


***

The reason I was so fucking pissed is that I realized that this chick in my office has been steadily shoving her work off to me. I'm apparently the alternate when she can't stick it to the receptionist (who is crazy by the way, but that's another story). She doesn't come to me directly to do the shunting (since I'm scary and uncooperative) she has her boss ask me usually after she "suggests" that I "help out" with whatever project she should really be doing. I had assloads of work to do today and I got none of it done because I was busy doing that bitch's work.

I was also too through with the fact that folks in my office have no clue what advanced notice means. How the hell you gon give me less than 2 hours for some ASAP shit. Fuck them! I'm done. By 2 I was shaking with rage. By 3 I was ready for booze. By 4 I was ready to kick some honky (hee!) ass. By 5 I was ready to sprint out of that piece.

I was just having one of those days. It's been raining buckets and it's generally assolicious outside and I forgot my hat. I was waiting for the bus under the shelter and when the damn thing finally arrived I was in the line of folks to get on and a nice little gust of wind came and blew water down from the shelter all over my freshly done head.

It was that kind of day. At work, this new guy who I feel must have been raised by wolves because he has no skills at all with people, condescends to me about some bullshit that I had nothing to do with. He talks to me like I'm a special ed kid and it makes me want to throw my shoe at him. So does most of the office as well apparently. Dude has been in the company for like a week.

I think that in order to get a meaty position in my firm you must be a flaming asshole. It's a pre-req. So the new guy who I have christened Scary Bald Man fits right in. I have christened him as such because he is a bald white man. And bald white men scare me.

He looks like a cancer survivor as most white men with no hair do. It must be the un-broken paleness that freaks me out or the skinhead thing. Either way I just want to cross the street when I see them. Them and those young white kids with the goth gear on. Those are the real potential terrorists. Just ask them cats in Colorado. I know I'm stereotyping, but so fucking what. I get stereotyped just for being a Black female everyday. So fuck um.

It is still fucking raining and apparently it will continue to do so all week. Well, that's all the excuse I need to continue to look like shite all week. Oh well.


Later......