Random Thoughts

I'm taking a moment now to blog since I've decided to put things on pause for a minute. I wanted to get my thoughts down before they went skittering off again.

Since Corey died, I've had the same recurring thought. Which is since genetics has played a cruel joke on me and Zeen, in the fact that we both have Sickle Cell trait, which elevates our chances of having a child with Sickle Cell Anemia, the question that I come up with is can I raise a sick child? I don't think I can handle it. I've just gotten used to the idea that I do in fact want children even though I believe I am way too selfish to have them. Deep down somewhere, I know I'll be a great mother despite my reservations. But can I bring a child into the world that I have to watch suffer much in the way that Corey's mom had to watch him suffer?

She gave birth to two children and both of them died of the illness. I know I can't do that. I hate to see children in pain just in general. But to watch my own suffer? It's just too much. Zeen tells me not to worry, that technology has advanced so much that we can figure it out when the time comes. But I worry. I just don't know.

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I’m going to snap at work one of these days. I can feel it. I’m going to just flip the fuck out and give everyone in here the biz. I’m sick of this shit. I have been for sometime. I feel it building up every single day. When I go off, it’s going to be really, really bad.

***
I have super gas. The kind that would offend small animals who use their tongues as toilet paper (I’m looking at you Aaliyah). It’s noisy and embarrassing. I have to run to the bathroom here at work & pray no one is there so I can let my ass behave like a trumpet. It’s bad. I’m gonna have to make it soy milk in the Starbucks from here on out. This pain and gas is just too much.

That’s it for my random thoughts.

Later……..