Yeah. I need to not be fat anymore. Why? I can't even find pants or something that isn't hideous to wear. It takes too long to shop when you aren't thin. I have to try everything on and I hate doing that. When I was thinner I could just pick shit up and walk out. Now? I have to take six of the same frigging thing into the fitting room and have none of it work right. I'm definitely not a 12 but I'm not a full 14. But I'm not big enough to be a 16 either. So where does that leave me? Butt nekkid on a Monday morning taking an extra 30 minutes trying to find new ways to properly camouflage my fat.
I've tried just about everything to hide it too. Girdles, Saran wrap, tummy cinchers, the whole bit. Clearly there is no short cut. So exercise it will be. I just have to remove my gym blocker and just go. It's 8 months and counting from my wedding and I don't want to stroll or roll down the aisle in a size 16 wedding dress (wedding dresses run super small to make you hate yourself, just a theory) because it just won't sit well with me.
I know that it doesn't matter what size I am and I have the potential to be one effin sweet looking bride. I also know that it doesn't matter to Zeen how I look as long as I show up. But I need to do this for my peace of mind. There other things I can obsess about. Like Bush packing the court with far right, bible thumping Jesus freaks. Or even the fact the New Orleans is still a cesspool which is set to be the land grab HQ after the bodies are carted away.
But I'm not happy with me right now and I need that to change.
Later...................
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