Recap of Last Week

Monday: Blew because I was at work

Tuesday: Blew because I was at work

Wednesday: Blew … you get the picture

Thursday: Had a crap ass work related event that consisted of Asshat # 2 and some smelly Europeans. Russians to be exact. Why oh why are these folks so adverse to soap and water? Further more, why are the words excuse me, please, and thank you not a part of their vocabulary? Are there no Russian words for them? Maybe I should backtrack. Asshat #2 in his usual passive aggressive way, asked through a proxy of course, if I could work some stupid conference or a client.

He was sure to ask one of my bosses who is super cute and nice to boot to ask me. After much dry heaving I agreed. So I ask Asshat #2 what all will I be doing and in his usual unhelpful way, he gave me the big donut in terms of info. No surprise there. All I knew was that I had to get there for 8 am, which I promptly got there at 7:30 am because I'm paranoid. Anyhoo, I sat for 30 mins and finally one of the smelly Russians came over and told me what I was supposed to do.

I did nothing more than sit in a mausoleum cold room with smelly Europeans. As it was I was half asleep and in a suit. I had an appointment with a wedding photog that gave me an escape and yay to that. So I made my escape got home got warm and chilled for a bit. Why does the Asshat blow my cell phone up talking about can I come back? See what had happened was I gave one of the Russian helper chicks the stuff I was distributing since she spoke the most English and was the nicest and least smelly of the bunch. I clear having them finish out the distribution of crap and bounce.

What happens? The tricks don't do it and Asshat blows up my phone. He passive aggressively asks if I 'm nearby, I say no. He asks if I can come back, again I say no. He deduced from my saying to him I was leaving early for an appointment that I was going back to the office. Which was 100% incorrect of course. He had the nerve to tell folks I was in fact coming back to the office and what not. Had them callin my cell too.

Two words for that cat: Douche and Bag.

So of course when I shot down any chance of dealing with the smelly Russians he did his usual passive aggressive shtick being all oh alright. Of course I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because he's a douche, Asshat# 2 will likely complain to my overlords and twist it so it looks like I abandoned the task. I'm just waiting for it so I can light that ass up. Because fuck that guy that's why.

Friday: Rolled with Sorors uptown to celebrate the fitness boot camp graduation of my homie AR and to celebrate LALA's b-day. We were all super amped after the graduation to do some serious booty shaking. But alas the vibe was stomped to death my AR's college buddy who will go by the name Clueless for my purposes. Clueless didn’t make the best first impression with LALA with the following statement after finding out LALA was Haitian. She said and I quote: I didn't know that Haitians were as light-skinned as you. I thought they were all dark-skinned. *Sigh* LALA tells her with greater diplomacy than I would have that Haitians come in all colors. Me? I would have told her that she needs to not announce her obvious ignorance by opening her mouth so much and so very loudly (The girl was loud as fuck). But no matter we figured we'd be done with old Foghorn Clueless after the graduation so no worries. Alas, we were wrong. We were all chilling and then we find out from AR that Clueless is rolling with for the booty shaking.

You could practically see the vibe deflate like a balloon. But whatever, we was headed to DramaQueen's bartending gig for the free drink action. Woo Hoo right? Wrong. The owner was in and the spot was sorta stodgy and lame so no free booze was to be had. By then the vibe was in the toilet

Because Clueless rubbed me the wrong way from the jump off, I decided to move my asshole flag from half staff to full mass. So she would say something like “do you like Henny and Hypnotic?” I’d look at her like she was rapidly growing antlers on her head and promptly ignore her. Because she was a douche and I have no time for douches.

Anyhoo, we leave DQ’s bar and head over to Star 64 for the party we were going to. I was siked because

A. It was great the first time I went
B.With the exception of Clueless and now Clueless’s friend Nameless I had the bangin crew with me.

Are you guessing it was a bust? If so, then you’re right. It was packed to the gills with sweaty flailing folks. The music was good but the defensive dancing we had to do was not. As always in these cases there was a gaggle of chickens dancing near us. And as usual the chicken flavor tricks decided to dance all wild in a super crowded venue for attention. These birds were crip walking and bobbing all around and overtly knocking into us accidentally on purpose. Which is code for these hoes want to get beat down. But being 30 with a mortgage led me not to slap bitches but to beat them at their own game. I threw elbows accidentally on purpose. I shook my oversized booty just enough to knock them accidentally on purpose out of the way. The rest of the crew did the same and they got the picture and moved on.

Did I mention that I went to this party at another venue which was substantially larger and provided for better boogie space? Right. Anyway we all started to melt from the heat so we bounced to a spot around the corner. La Linea, turned out to be better but with plenty of spinning Latin couples who were getting their boogie on to Reggaeton. Which in my opinion is gibberish over a monotonous beat. It sucks major ball sacks and I wasn’t down for it. Eventually folks just gave up trying to salvage the night and we all just went home dejected. *Sigh*

Isn’t an abortive an attempt at getting your party on depressing? Anyhoo, we’ll get it right next time.

So I’ll just wrap up this long ass post finally with…

Later……………..